min lai
“Postpartum depression and anxiety is more common than we think. It's not about weakness or personal faults. We should be aware that if things don't go right, we can be open to reaching out for help … By sharing our stories and path to recovery, we’re not just building awareness and promoting changes, we are also showing strength and hope.”
After the birth of my second child, I had an anxiety attack two weeks prior to going back to work full time at the office (when my little one was about 12 weeks old). I couldn't sleep. When I lay in bed, my mind would start racing as I tried to figure out how I could go back to work with a toddler and a new-born without a helper, and what I would need to prepare for going back and the projects I would be starting. We didn't have a full time helper for our first-born and my parents came and babysat. However, my Dad had a health episode right before the birth, so he wasn’t able to be as present and helpful around our house any more. I couldn't fall asleep without taking two prescribed pills for two consecutive weeks.
I asked for more work from home time for the first three weeks and my company was understanding. I also signed up for Mindfulness Stress Reduction classes and Hypnotherapy to help with my sleep problem and anxiety. I went back to my psychiatrist to have a proper diagnosis and to get medication to help me sleep.
Fortunately, as I live in Discovery Bay, it was relatively easy to find help, as it’s a smaller community so we can ask people for advice. Both my mindfulness teacher and my hypnotherapist were also based in Discovery Bay. In addition, I was referred to a psychiatrist based in Central.”
To be completely honest, I'm still struggling. Sometimes a small trigger can spiral easily. Say, if I have a problem to solve at work, my mind keeps coming up with different ideas and scenarios or thoughts of the problem would repeat themselves in my head right before going to bed. If I didn't sleep well the night before, I would start feeling dizzy at work. I would be slow in thinking and hence sharing my thoughts. There were a couple of times that I actually blacked out in mid sentence during management meetings, which was extremely embarrassing, especially in front of other leaders from the region. It made me look unprofessional, and as a result I became even more anxious and began to doubt myself. I also felt that I was failing my team members, whom I should be leading, growing and inspiring. There were times when I just couldn't find the words to express myself or other times when I would just feel exhausted.
That doesn’t even include the quality of time that I spent with my little ones, which further upset me. It wasn't until I did make the call to quit my job and take a break from working that I could fully take care of myself before others. I hope that this break will help. I don't want to be a tired or a half present mom any more. (I'm still serving my notice period and I should be fully off work in mid May when my replacement is found and trained. Fingers crossed.)
I now need to try to be easier on myself and to be compassionate with myself. I need to share my feelings with my partner and also set and manage expectations, especially on the rest and time that I will need to recover. I'm grateful for his support of me taking this break. If anyone is in a similar situation, try to go back to a regular routine; for me that means yoga, weekly guided meditation and talking with my friends and support groups.
Going through what I went through, I believe that we need to change the expectations of new parents, no matter whether it’s at home or at work. Pregnancy related mental issues are more common than we think. We need to start building awareness of the challenges of new parenthood (definitely not just bundles of joy, sleepless nights and worries… there are times that you just simply don't know what to do...), so that we can also change the expectations of both people and companies towards new parents, so that they can provide enough understanding and support. I really hope that this project will help.
Postpartum depression and anxiety is more common than we think. It's not about weakness or personal faults. We should be aware that if things don't go right, we can be open to reaching out for help. I am the victim of the expectation "work as if you don't have kids, parent as if you don't work". We need to change this expectation. By sharing our stories and path to recovery, we’re not just building awareness and promoting changes, we are also showing strength and hope…
I wasn’t sure what to expect with this campaign or the photo-shoot specifically. But it was wonderful. I felt pampered and pretty again (for someone who felt scruffy and unattractive pretty much since the birth 10 months ago.
Since the shoot there have been ups and downs. My anxiety came back as a result of the ongoing COVID situation in Hong Kong and the possibility of being separated from my little ones because of the government policy on the pandemic. I'm sure I haven’t been the only one. I'm getting better as there is more information being shared by other mothers and also the restrictions seem to be loosening up soon.”