shahana hoque-ali
“When there is a physiological imbalance, it impacts the mental and emotional self, hence being the healthiest version of yourself is key.”
“It all started slowly. The joy of having a baby and the delivery made me feel elated. However, as the weeks went by I felt more and more depleted and slowly the days started to merge into one and I would struggle to get up and out of the house for days because it was too hard…
When I did venture out, it would be wonderful, but I’d always be exhausted. I felt unmotivated to make an effort to see people even though I needed people to help me get out of my mood. I wanted to do fun things with my babies, but it was all so hard, unlike others who seemed to post beautiful pictures and be happy. I realised that I was also happy when I spoke to others hence perhaps they were not aware of what was happening inside of me. The exhaustion was the worst; it was beyond manageable. Breastfeeding meant that I was the only one who could feed when the baby woke. I just wasn’t organised enough to pump.
I began to notice my skin starting to change colour and soon the light patches were spreading and becoming larger.
When you ask people, they are generally willing to help and support. But it’s hard to explain to someone else when you yourself are not sure what’s happening. Even with my second and third babies, “it” still crept up on me. I didn’t realise how bad things were until after I was out of the situation.
Post pregnancy I realised that I had developed multiple autoimmune diseases, however it wasn’t that straightforward. I was told that I had the baby blues and I was just tired from having a new baby, sleepless nights, and every other explanation, which made me begin to think that maybe I was just being lazy.
Others managed, so why was I so tired and not enjoying this time? I used to love looking at my son and daughter and I knew that I loved my child beyond question; so why was I not elated and jumping with joy? I wondered what was pulling me to feel so down and depressed. I didn’t feel motivated to leave the house nor to meet people. I thought that it must be in my head and I just needed to snap out of it. I was trying, but it just made me feel more drained.
No doctor knew what the problem was: in fact they didn’t think there even was an issue, until I saw various holistic therapists. Slowly I took the advice from each different doctor, therapist and naturopath, and started to piece together the puzzle. I felt like I had to become the project manager of my own health. Fortunately, I had a medical and scientific background, so I enrolled in a Functional Medicine course and an Energy Healing course. Slowly I realised that the mind, emotion and physical self are all connected and each part reacts to the other. I had to address the different pieces to eventually find the right doctor to diagnose me and I started my healing journey - a mixture of mental healing, medical interventions and diet and lifestyle changes.
Three years seemed to be a turning point for me. I would ensure I checked in on my health issues regularly and get the supplements that I needed. When there is a physiological imbalance, it impacts the mental and emotional self, hence being the healthiest version of yourself is key. Neurological studies show there are two times in a woman’s life when grey matter is actually reduced - post pregnancy and menopause, so it’s not in our imagination nor is it simply a mental or emotional issue, it’s a physiological issue. We need support and kindness for ourselves as our biology is telling us to slow down.
We shouldn’t all need to be trained in medicine to be able seek the right help. It is my sincere hope that women can be made more aware of how pregnancy can impact them in different ways and that more support can be accessed by them.
I wanted to share and warn all new Mums not to ignore the tiny signs, and also to know that they are not alone in their experiences, and I hoped I could help by sharing my experiences. I have now trained as a Functional Health Practitioner to support both myself and others like me in the best way possible.
On the day of the photo-shoot I felt so supported and that brought a lot of emotions to the surface; feelings that I hadn’t had an opportunity to offload, since as a mum you have to try to keep it all together. Since doing the photos I feel liberated, free and acknowledged and am grateful for such a worthy project!”